Summary of Key Points
This article discusses a global trend: more and more people no longer regard marriage as the only form of intimate relationship or family. Instead, they opt for cohabitation, separated partners, or other non-marital relationships. These practices are common in European and American countries, but there are significant differences from China. The article suggests that understanding changes in family structures cannot be limited to just marriage; it is essential to consider these diverse options, as they provide valuable insights for future family research and policy adjustments in China.
1. Marriage on a Global Scale: From a “Mandatory Step” to an “Optional Choice”
In recent decades, the number of marriages worldwide has been declining. In China, for example, nearly 99% of women aged 30-34 were married in 1982, but by 2020, this figure had dropped to 88%. The situation is even more pronounced in Europe and America, where the marriage rate for this age group dropped from 63%-87% in the 1980s to below 50% today.
Why is this happening? One reason is that people are getting married later in life, and society has become more accepting of cohabitation and unmarried relationships. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary path; it is just one of many possible intimate options.
2. Cohabitation: A “Marriage Alternative” in Europe and America, but a “Pre-Marital Experiment” in China
Cohabitation means living together without being married. In countries like the Netherlands, Sweden, and France, more than half of the unmarried population aged 25-44 cohabits. In Europe and America, many cohabiting couples have children and assume the same family responsibilities as married couples, and these relationships are legally recognized. In France, 60% of newborns are born out of wedlock, and many of them come from cohabiting families.
In China, however, cohabitation is mainly seen as a way to “test out marriage before committing.” Few couples have children during cohabitation, and such relationships are not legally recognized. A 2017 survey showed that only 21% of Chinese people accepted the idea of cohabiting without intending to marry, and among younger people, this figure was even lower at 31%, compared to 69% in the United States and 78% among younger Americans.
3. Separated Partners: A “New Type of Relationship” That Balances Intimacy and Freedom
Another type of relationship is that of separated partners—two people who are in a committed relationship but do not live together. This is common in countries like the UK (12.9% of adults), and even more so in Estonia (5.2%).
The advantage of this relationship is that it allows for a balance between intimacy and independence: you can maintain a romantic relationship without being bound by the responsibilities associated with marriage, such as household chores and property division. Different age groups have different motivations for this: young people may use it as a transition before marriage; middle-aged individuals (especially those who have been divorced) may want to avoid being bound by marriage again; and older people may see it as a stable long-term relationship without the financial obligations of marriage.
4. Selective Families: Family Members Without Blood Relations
An even more disruptive concept is the “selective family”—people who choose their family members based on personal choices, rather than blood relations or marriage. In the Netherlands, 22% of adults consider their partners, children, and others (such as close friends) as family members, with women being more likely to do so than men.
This trend initially emerged among marginalized groups (such as LGBTQ+ individuals who were rejected by their biological families) but is now gaining popularity. For example, in Korea, a writer had to adopt her best friend as a “mother and daughter” to take care of each other due to legal barriers. In China, there are examples of close friends supporting each other in old age, but these relationships are not legally recognized, leading to complications in matters such as inheritance and medical decisions.
5. Implications for Chinese Families: Beyond Marriage, Consider Diverse Options
Changes in Chinese families are not just about a decrease in marriages; they involve a reconfiguration of intimate relationships and family structures. Here are some key points:
- Shift in Attitudes: We need to stop equating “unmarried” with “single.” Many people may be in cohabitation or separated partner relationships.
- Data Collection: Current surveys often do not ask about separated partners or selected family members; we need to adopt similar questions from European and American studies.
- Policy Adjustments: Laws need to recognize cohabitation and selective families. For example, how should we handle medical decisions and property inheritance in these situations?
In conclusion, “decentralizing marriage” does not mean rejecting it; it means recognizing that families can take many forms. Future research on Chinese families must include these non-marital relationships to truly understand modern family dynamics.