Summary of Key Points
This article, drawing on the views of Professor Luo Xiang and psychological research, points out that individuals who lacked love in childhood or experienced adversity may develop certain “self-protective” habits (such as being highly observant of others’ emotions and experiencing anticipatory anxiety). However, in adulthood, these habits can become a continuous source of mental exhaustion—rather than physical fatigue. The article identifies five common patterns of mental exhaustion and offers suggestions for adjusting them.
Detailed Analysis
1. Constantly “Reading People’s Faces”: Your Attention Is Always on Their Emotions
If a child’s parents have mood swings (such as suddenly losing their temper), the child will instinctively learn to observe their parents’ expressions to determine their own safety. This habit can develop into a conditioned reflex in adulthood. For example, you might feel anxious as soon as your partner sighs, constantly watch your colleagues’ faces during meetings, or start wondering if you’ve done something wrong at the mere glance of someone else.
This state is known as “high alertness,” similar to having an “environmental safety alarm” that never stops. Over time, all your mental energy is devoted to monitoring others, leaving you with no energy for your own tasks.
2. Worrying About Things That Haven’t Happened Yet: Anticipatory Anxiety Is a Remnant of Childhood
Children who grew up in unstable environments (such as those who were frequently criticized or lived in tense families) may develop the habit of anticipating danger. For instance, they might start worrying about what could go wrong before a presentation or a meeting. This was once a way to avoid harm, but in adulthood, when the environment has changed (e.g., a failed presentation no longer results in punishment), this “warning system” remains active. You think you’re preparing, but in reality, you’re entering a state of stress in advance, wasting energy on things that haven’t happened yet.
3. Feeling Exhausted Despite Nothing Happening: Your Body’s “Stress Switch” Can’t Be Turned Off
Under normal circumstances, the body releases stress hormones (such as cortisol) to help you cope with stress, and these levels drop once the stress subsides. However, children who were exposed to prolonged stress may have a malfunctioning stress regulation system. As a result, their hormone levels may remain high or even low (the body “shuts down” as a form of protection).
The consequence is that you might feel unable to sleep or relax even when you’re at home on vacation. Even while relaxing on the sofa, you might feel like there’s still something unfinished. This fatigue is not physical but a result of the body’s long-term tension.
4. Fear of Making Mistakes Keeps You From Starting: A Cycle of Self-Criticism That Leads to More Exhaustion
If a child is criticized or punished for making mistakes, they may learn to avoid them altogether. As an adult, this can manifest as perfectionism—rechecking everything before taking action and overthinking even minor criticism. This creates a vicious cycle: fear of making mistakes → procrastination → self-blame → even more fear of making mistakes. For example, when writing a report, you might revise it ten times before submitting, wasting time and exhausting yourself.
5. Feeling Anxious When Others Are Unhappy: Over-Caring for Others’ Emotions Depletes Your Own Energy
If a child had to soothe their parents’ emotions (e.g., by being understanding when they were upset), they may become “emotional caregivers” in adulthood. You might feel anxious when a friend is troubled, uncomfortable saying no to a colleague’s request, or even try to help strangers. You focus so much on others’ emotions that you forget to consider your own needs. For instance, you might stay up all night comforting a friend who’s going through a breakup, leaving you exhausted the next day.
How to Regain Mental Energy
The article offers three simple suggestions:
1. Identify the Difference: Distinguish between true fatigue and being in a state of high alertness (for example, lying down but still thinking about various things).
2. Rebuild a Sense of Security: Allow yourself to make mistakes and accept that things are uncertain (for example, tell yourself, “It’s okay if I make a mistake during the presentation”).
3. Focus on Your Own Needs: Stop paying so much attention to others’ emotions and think more about your own feelings (for example, what you want to eat or do to relax today).
As Professor Luo Xiang says, “Only by activating your mind can you regain the vitality of life.” You don’t need to force yourself to be energetic; just gradually pull your mental energy out of “protective mode” and take care of yourself.
(The research cited in the article comes from authoritative journals such as *Archives of General Psychiatry* and *Molecular Psychiatry*, ensuring its reliability.)