Summary of the Key Points
This conversation is not one of those common “high-emotional intelligence” motivational courses available on the market. It’s rather the practical experience accumulated by Shi Xinyue, a partner at the top domestic law firm Junhe and a mentor on the second season of “The Exciting Offer.” She applies her years of expertise in conducting large-scale cross-border business negotiations to all the everyday communication challenges faced by ordinary professionals. Topics range from the frustrating situation of asking for a raise to the awkward 30 seconds when you encounter a senior leader in an elevator, to how to deal with difficult, argumentative colleagues. Even fundamental questions like “Why do I forget all the skills I’ve learned as soon as I’m in a real situation?” and “Can communication skills really be learned through practice?” are answered in a practical way. Her “Six-Angle Communication Method” doesn’t involve any empty rhetoric; it’s based on proven strategies that ordinary people can easily use without having to become socially adept.
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1. Don’t Believe in “Flattery-based Communication Techniques”
Many online communication courses teach you how to toast your boss or speak nicely to please others, but the essence of these techniques is to gain favors in exchange for benefits. However, Shi Xinyue deals with executives from multinational companies and deals involving tens of millions of yuan daily. No one will give you a discount just because you speak nicely. Her communication philosophy is different: the goal is not to make the other person like you, but to make them realize that communicating with you and following your advice is beneficial for them.
Her “Six-Angle Communication Method” breaks down the six key elements of a negotiation into steps that ordinary people can understand. You don’t need to know any professional negotiation terms; by following these steps, even when arguing with colleagues from different departments, you can be in the right. There’s no need for tricky tactics or favoritism.
2. Standard Answers for the Most Common Embarrassing Workplace Situations
This conversation focuses on situations that 90% of professionals have encountered, providing practical solutions that you can use without needing to improvise:
- Asking for a Raise: Never make excuses like “I need to pay my mortgage” or “Someone in my family is sick.” Bosses won’t raise your salary just because your life is tough; they’ll only do so if you can create more value for them. Before you ask, list your achievements that go beyond your job responsibilities over the past six months, and explain the new tasks you plan to take on and the additional revenue or cost savings you can bring to the team. This approach presents your request as an investment proposal that could yield three times the return, making the whole process much less awkward.
- 30 Seconds in an Elevator with a Senior Leader: Don’t talk about the weather or summarize the entire project; leaders can’t remember that much. Just mention three key points: who you are, what you’re working on recently, and a small success you’ve recently achieved, such as “Hello, Mr. Wang, I’m Li from the Operations Department. The optimization suggestion you made at the weekly meeting last week has increased conversion rates by 8%.” This shows you’re reliable without wasting the leader’s time.
- Dealing with Argumentative Colleagues: Don’t argue about right and wrong; you’ll never win against someone who just wants to argue. If they say your plan won’t work, simply ask, “Oh? What do you think needs to be adjusted?” If they can’t provide specific issues, they’ll likely run out of arguments. If they can, you get useful feedback for free.
3. Why Do You Forget Skills as Soon as You’re in a Real Situation?
90% of people learn communication techniques the wrong way: they memorize scripts rather than understanding the underlying logic. For example, if you memorize a few opening lines for asking for a raise but the boss asks, “I haven’t seen any significant contributions from you recently,” you’ll be caught off guard because you didn’t anticipate their question or potential objections.
True communication experts are well-prepared. For instance, before asking for a raise, think of possible objections (like “There aren’t any budgetary slots for raises this year” or “Your current output isn’t enough”) and prepare responses. This way, you won’t panic even if something unexpected happens. Not being able to think on the spot isn’t about being verbally clumsy; it’s about not preparing adequately and treating communication as an impromptu performance, which often leads to mistakes.
4. Communication Isn’t Innate; You Can Improve Without Being a Socially Aggressive Person
Many people think only those who are articulate can communicate well, but Shi Xinyue, who used to be socially anxious, knows that more than half of the top negotiators are not talkative. The real ability to convince others comes from three basic skills that anyone can develop:
1. Listening: Don’t interrupt before the other person finishes speaking; understanding their unexpressed needs is more valuable than saying ten nice things.
2. Being Clear: Explain things concisely in three sentences to avoid going off-topic.
3. Empathy: Think about what the other person will gain from what you say before you speak. Even if you’re introverted, mastering these skills will make you appear highly communicative without forcing yourself to be socially aggressive.