When AI Learns to “Fall in Love”: Why Do We Still Think It’s Not “Real” Enough?
Hello everyone, I’m your financial journalist and friend, an economist. Today, we’re not talking about stock market fluctuations or GDP figures, but about a topic that touches everyone’s heart—and one that’s becoming increasingly blurred by the tide of technology: In the age of AI, is love still considered love?
Recently, Professor Wang Xiaowei from the School of Philosophy at Renmin University of China released a new book titled *Back to Life*, which includes a chapter dedicated to the topic of “AI love.” This excerpt from the book makes a very sharp argument: Although AI can provide a high level of emotional value and even mimic perfect romantic behavior, it doesn’t yet belong to the history of love, lacking the “honesty” and “sense of ritual” that are passed down through generations of humans.
To make this complex philosophical discussion more accessible, I’ve broken it down into five easy-to-understand points, showing us where our emotional boundaries lie in an era where technology seems to envelop everything.
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1. AI is an “emotional nanny,” but not a “soulmate”
First, let’s admit one thing: AI is incredibly advanced. It can respond instantly to messages, empathize with your sadness, and offer perfect comfort when you’re feeling down. For many who are emotionally sensitive and crave understanding, forming a close connection with AI can indeed bring a sense of being loved.
However, Professor Wang Xiaowei reminds us that feeling loved is evidence of an open heart; a hardened soul neither loves nor deserves to be loved. This means that those who can connect deeply with AI are often the most vulnerable and sensitive people.
The biggest difference between AI and humans is that AI responds, while humans exist. AI’s intimate relationships are essentially algorithms processing data. It doesn’t experience pain, desire, or fear of death. Its “gentleness” is based on statistical calculations. While this connection can be pleasant, it’s more like a sophisticated “emotional therapist” rather than a companion who shares the vulnerabilities of life. Because AI lacks a “soul,” its love, as smooth as it is, lacks the heart-stirring, even painful, sense of authenticity.
2. Love is more than just “feelings”; it’s a set of “social scripts”
Many think that love is simply about mutual attraction. But the article points out that love is also a social tradition and a set of customs. It’s like the Chinese New Year: do you think it’s just about eating a meal and watching the Spring Festival Gala? No, it’s a series of complex rituals—when to put up Spring Festival couplets, when to pay respects to ancestors, when to give red envelopes, and how to interact with relatives. These seemingly trivial steps define the meaning of the New Year.
The same is true for love. From the first glance and greeting to who pays for the first date, what to eat, when to confess, hold hands, kiss, and even when to get married and have children, human society has developed a set of default “love scripts” over hundreds of years (especially since the 19th century).
These scripts are not external to love; they are part of it. Just as a person doesn’t become a “bride” without a wedding dress, love also needs these forms to be recognized. AI’s biggest problem is that it hasn’t participated in creating these scripts. It’s a newcomer, an outsider. It knows how to mimic these actions, but it doesn’t understand the emotional memories and social agreements that lie behind them.
3. The “Western son-in-law” paradox: no matter how much he knows, he can’t truly experience the New Year
To illustrate the lack of honesty in AI, the article uses a vivid example: a “Western son-in-law” who is well-versed in Chinese culture. Imagine a foreigner with a Ph.D. in anthropology who knows all the New Year customs better than a Chinese person. He knows not to sweep the floor on the first day, understands the rules of visiting parents on the second day, knows the symbolism behind each dish, and can even correct your non-standard practices.
But would you think he knows how to celebrate the New Year better than you? No. He may seem respectful, but he’ll always feel out of place because he lacks a sense of devotion and naturalness. Chinese people naturally participate in the New Year because they are part of the culture. Even if they’re children who know nothing about it or adults who are indifferent, their presence and identity as part of that generation are essential to the meaning of the New Year.
AI is like that “Western son-in-law.” It can perfectly replicate every facial expression and romantic phrase, but it can never love naturally and honestly because it’s not human and doesn’t live within human history. Its love is performative, while ours comes from real life. The difference lies in honesty.
4. Body and intergenerational connection: love requires a “physical” and “temporal” foundation
One of the main arguments in the article is the importance of physicality and intergenerationality. Love isn’t just a chemical reaction in the brain; it happens between two tangible, aging, and mortal bodies. AI doesn’t have a body (or, rather, its body is silicon-based, replaceable, and non-living). It won’t feel pain for you, disdain you as you age, or face life’s challenges with you. This shared experience of life’s weight is something AI can’t provide.
Our love is built on the love of our ancestors. We imitate how our parents interact and inherit their commitments to marriage. Love is a spiritual tradition passed down through generations. AI has no ancestors or offspring, so it lacks a sense of history. Its love lacks a “historical context.” It’s like a point in time, not a continuous thread in the river of time.
**Love without history is like a plant without roots; it can bloom and look beautiful, but it can’t withstand the test of time.”
5. Future prospects: Will the boundaries of love become blurred like a road in the desert?
The author doesn’t completely rule out the future of AI love. He proposes a cautious optimism:
If AI truly becomes part of our lives and contributes to our emotional traditions over time, the boundaries of love might become blurred.
It’s like a road in the desert that gradually loses its boundaries due to erosion. If future generations grow up with AI partners, integrating AI into their love scripts and treating it as a new custom and ritual, then “AI love” could become a new tradition. By then, we might redefine what honest love and a genuine relationship mean.
But until that day, we must be cautious: Don’t let the smooth emotional experiences offered by AI make us forget the rough, painful, yet vibrant aspects of human love. Arguments, misunderstandings, compromises, and mutual support in times of hardship are the true test of love’s honesty.
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Lessons for everyone:
1. Don’t mythologize AI: AI is a great emotional companion, but it can’t replace the deep connections based on shared fate, history, and physical reality.
2. Cherish the sense of ritual: Whether in love or life, rituals are not just for form; they are ways to affirm our existence and our belonging to a cultural tradition.
3. Maintain honesty: As technology becomes more human-like, we need to be clear about what’s simulated and what’s real. True love often comes with imperfections, vulnerability, and uncertainty, and that’s what makes it precious.
In this era of deep technology, “Back to Life” means reclaiming the emotional warmth and historical depth that algorithms can’t quantify.