Summary of Key Points
This article highlights the systematic abandonment of friendship in modern education: In the past, the structured communal life on campus naturally fostered friendships, but current educational systems—such as public rankings, pairing of competitors, and seating arrangements based on grades—have transformed student relationships into a competitive atmosphere where survival of the fittest prevails, undermining the environment necessary for friendship to thrive. The article criticizes the distorted notion that friendships should be allocated according to academic performance and demonstrates through research that cooperation is more beneficial for academic success than competition. It emphasizes the fundamental value of friendship for mental health, social skills, and long-term development, calling for an emphasis on nurturing emotional needs and relationship-building abilities.
How Do Educational Systems Gradually Kill Friendship?
Campuses in the past were natural breeding grounds for friendship: Chinese students spent every day with the same group of classmates, attending classes, eating together, and facing criticism together, which fostered a sense of camaraderie. In contrast, American students have more scattered schedules and frequently change classrooms, making it difficult to develop such long-term bonds.
However, today's education systems have ingrained competition into student relationships:
- Public Rankings + Competitors: The high school teachers depicted in the documentary "Wait" not only release public rankings after each exam but also assign each student a “rival.” When you slack off, seeing your rival studying motivates you to push harder.
- Seating Arrangements Based on Grades: Seats are changed every month or half-monthly, and classmates you get used to sitting with may be separated due to grade differences.
- Grade Hierarchies Everywhere: Examination rooms are arranged according to grades, creating a sense of inferiority if you perform poorly.
These systems treat students as rivals who threaten their own rankings rather than as partners who support each other, leaving little room for friendship to grow.
Does Competition Really Boost Grades More Than Cooperation?
Many schools believe that competition motivates learning, but authoritative research disputes this:
- A 2008 study in the *Psychological Bulletin* found that cooperative goals lead to better academic outcomes than competitive ones. In cooperation, everyone’s success is linked (e.g., working on group projects together), leading to mutual assistance and knowledge sharing. In competition, the focus shifts to “outperforming others,” which can result in hiding information or hindering others’ progress, ultimately harming overall performance.
- Educational psychology also shows that “acquiring knowledge” is more important than “being better than others.” Focusing on understanding a concept thoroughly leads to deeper learning, whereas worrying about outperforming your classmates can cause anxiety and make it harder to concentrate.
In simple terms, cooperation leads to mutual success, while competition results in one person winning and the other losing—only the former is a sustainable way to improve grades.
Friendship Is Being Reduced to a “Grade Reward,” Which Is a Trampling of Emotions
There is a common belief that “once you get high scores or attend a prestigious school, you will naturally make excellent friends.” This turns friendship into a resource allocated based on grades:
- When a middle school girl faces social setbacks, online comments like “Don’t worry about relationships; if you rank in the top ten, people will come to you” suggest that your emotional value and ability to make friends depend on your grades.
- Parents often encourage children to hang out with high-achieving students, reflecting the utilitarian mindset that friends should be useful. Friendship is no longer about mutual understanding and companionship but rather whether someone’s grades or future prospects are worth investing in.
This is a demeaning view of human nature: We value the bond with pets, yet we seem to believe that people with poor grades don’t deserve friendship. Emotions shouldn’t be labeled as “useful.”
What Do Children Lose When Friendship Is Ignored?
1. Lack of Social Skills: Skills such as resolving conflicts, comforting others, and expressing apologies are developed through friendship. If children are constantly told to focus on studying and ignore relationships, they may struggle with romantic and parental relationships as adults (e.g., not knowing how to apologize or being controlling).
2. Mental Health Issues: Children who lack friends for a long time may experience loneliness and anxiety, which can lead to health problems (e.g., sleep disorders and digestive issues) because their brains perceive the environment as unsafe, forcing them to guard against others and preventing them from concentrating on their studies.
3. Social Atomization: People only care about their own grades, becoming indifferent to others’ struggles, leading to a fragmented society where individuals act like isolated atoms.
The True Meaning of Friendship
Friendship is not about “helping you improve your grades” or “finding you a job”; it is an essential part of life:
- Friends are there to support you through hardships and share joy, making life more meaningful.
- Stable friendships can reduce the risk of diseases in middle and old age and serve as a shield for mental health.
The article concludes that respecting friendship means respecting oneself and cherishing the emotional connections we have with others—this is the true practice of love.
In Conclusion: Education should not be a machine for creating rivals but a nurturing ground for well-rounded individuals. Friendship is not a distraction from growth; it is a necessary path to becoming someone who knows how to love and be loved.
(The full text is approximately 1,500 words.)