Summary of the Core Content
This article begins with the concept of "dazhi culture" (a type of social interaction) to reveal the profound changes in the social relationships of contemporary young people. Dazhi is not merely superficial socializing; it represents a new "grammar of relationships" that breaks down individuals into "functional units." This phenomenon reflects the weakening of strong connections (intimate relationships, deep friendships) in an era of individualization, as well as people's helpless search for meaning in a world where old anchors have loosened. The article then explores themes such as existentialism, narrative identity, and changes in marriage institutions, ultimately leading to a central question: In an irreversible age of individualization, how can we build our own foundation of meaning on the shifting sands of society?
I. Dazhi Culture: Not New Socializing, but a Grammar of Relationships That Breaks Down People into Functional Units
Dazhi is fundamentally different from the "strong connections" we are familiar with (such as close friends or family members). Strong connections require long-term investment, deep commitment, and exclusivity (you can't have five "soul mates" at the same time), while dazhi has clear objectives (eating, exercising, preparing for exams) and defined boundaries (only relevant topics are discussed), and can be terminated at any time.
From a practical perspective, dazhi may seem more "efficient": you find a partner for eating if you need to eat, or one for studying if you're preparing for an exam, without having to maintain unnecessary emotional connections. However, the hidden problems include:
- Higher Hidden Costs: A person might have seven or eight dazhi partners, each requiring time spent making appointments, small talk, and maintaining social warmth, which could be just as exhausting as maintaining a deep relationship.
- Weakening of Strong Connections: The core of intimate relationships is exclusivity—you reveal your vulnerable side because you know it's only for that person. But if companionship, conversation, and even emotional needs are spread across multiple dazhi partners, strong connections become diluted, much like strong tea mixed with water, leaving nothing but plain water.
Therefore, the ideal model of "a few strong connections at the top plus many dazhi partners at the bottom" is difficult to achieve. Weak and strong connections compete for the same time and energy, and they are often mutually exclusive. You either shrink your social circle to a few important people or get used to superficial relationships, only to realize one day that no one truly sees the whole you when you're sick or suffering from insomnia.
II. The Popularity of Dazhi Culture Is Not Due to Young People Being Selfish, but Because Strong Connections Are Becoming More Difficult to Build
The rise of dazhi culture is not because young people have suddenly become more utilitarian; rather, the foundation for strong connections has been eroded:
- Objective Constraints: Working 996 hours, frequent city moves, and urbanization have turned familiar communities into stranger societies, making it hard to build deep relationships.
- An Irreversible Trend: From the Industrial Revolution, which freed people from family structures, to the Information Revolution, which has made it possible for individuals to define themselves independently. Old collective narratives (family, workplace, marriage) are weakening, but new anchors (such as what constitutes a "successful life") have not yet been established. The state of "floating" described by Xiang Biao captures this feeling: people are stuck in limbo, unable to return to the past or see a clear future.
Dazhi culture is merely a temporary solution in this context—like seeking shelter from the rain without an umbrella; it's not a long-term fix, but it can help cope with the present.
III. The Crisis of Meaning Behind Dazhi: Do We Even Have the Energy to "Return to Everyday Life"?
The essence of dazhi culture is the depletion of a sense of meaning:
- Jobs No Longer Provide Meaning: In the past, professions like being a doctor or teacher defined who we were. Today, many people are just cogs in a corporate machine, lacking a sense of achievement, let alone finding meaning through their work.
- Small, Contingent Meanings as a Last Resort: Some try to find meaning in trivial activities (cooking, gardening, chatting with coffee partners). But this is not about actively "returning to everyday life"; it's more about "retreating" to those activities because jobs and relationships fail to provide meaning.
- Even Worse: The Instrumentalization of Oneself: Many people are too lazy to engage in these activities and instead spend their days watching videos or playing video games. It's not that these things have meaning themselves, but they offer a temporary escape from the anxiety of questioning who we are.
IV. The Solution Offered by Existentialism: Meaning Is Not Something You Find, but Something You Create
Existentialism offers a direction: Meaning is not given to you by the world; you create it yourself. There are three key points:
1. Existence Precedes Essence: You don't become kind because you have the label of kindness; you become kind because you choose to help others consistently.
2. Freedom Is a Burden: You can't blame the environment for forcing your choices; you can either conform or resist, and all choices are your responsibility.
3. Face Absurdity and Create Meaning: The world itself has no inherent meaning (think of Sisyphus pushing a rock down a hill). But you can choose what to do in that absurdity. Sisyphus is happy not because the rock reaches the top, but because the act of pushing is his own choice—this process itself is meaningful.
Combining this with the concept of narrative identity, you need to create a coherent story for your life. For example, you might engage in philanthropy not because you "should," but because you want to provide what you didn't have as a child. However, today's social templates (education → career → marriage → children) are collapsing, leaving you feeling lonely when you try to share your story with others who don't understand it. Yet this loneliness is part of your uniqueness.
V. Changes in Marriage: From "Having to Marry" to "I Want to Write a Story with You?"
The article discusses how the functions of marriage (economic community, reproductive partnership, social identity) are being eroded. Nowadays, people can support themselves independently, and assisted reproduction has broken the link between marriage and childbearing, so being single no longer requires explanation. The only remaining core function of marriage is emotional commitment.
Some say that marrying is about voluntarily sacrificing some freedom for love, but this is a view of "sacrifice," which can lead to a competition of who sacrifices more. A better perspective is the "value-added" approach: Being with someone enriches your life, not by giving up freedom, but by expanding your experiences (like meeting fellow travelers on a trip). True relationships are never purely good or bad; they involve a balance of costs and benefits. The key is whether both parties can accept this complexity, adjusting when costs are high and cherishing the moments of value.
Final Thoughts: Building Stones on Shifting Sands
The article's logic may seem complex, but its core message is simple: In an era of individualization, we can't rely on old anchors; we must explore on our own. Dazhi, self-narrative, and redefining marriage are all attempts to find meaning. No one knows the outcome, but as Dewey said, truth is formed through practice. Perhaps in decades, these seemingly chaotic efforts will turn out to be the starting point for new consensus.
Just like Sisyphus pushing his rock, the act of trying itself is meaningful. Keep pushing forward, and that's enough.