Summary of Key Points
Recently, the term “not taking on stress” has become a trending topic on social media, referring to those who have strong resilience, a stable mindset, and are less easily affected by external pressures. However, in reality, many people find themselves in a state of constantly “engaging with stress”: they start to doubt themselves when a friend looks tired, dwell on a leader’s comment for weeks, or feel their heart rate speed up at the mention of personal questions from relatives... The suppressed stress doesn’t disappear; it merely manifests as insomnia, anxiety, and other issues. This article offers five practical methods to help us “reduce the amount of stress we bear”: learn to “not respond” to meaningless stress, clearly define our responsibilities so we don’t take on others’ burdens, distinguish between stress and our self-worth to avoid self-criticism, stop catastrophizing, and use physical activities to relieve stress. The key message is that “not taking on stress” doesn’t mean being permanently calm; it’s about establishing psychological boundaries. Change takes time, so there’s no need to blame ourselves.
Detailed Explanation
1. Learn to “Not Respond”: Keep Meaningless Stress Out
Many people get caught up in stress over minor issues: for example, they might overthink a leader’s casual comment like “This plan needs more revision” or become flustered when a relative asks about their marriage plans. In fact, much of this stress is unnecessary.
“Not responding” doesn’t mean suppressing our feelings; it means not letting stress control us. Here are some strategies:
- Filter first: Ask yourself if responding to something really matters. If not, simply ignore it (for instance, turn off your phone and focus on something else when a friend starts complaining about a topic you don’t care about).
- Delay your response: Say something like “Let me organize the information before I reply” or “I need to confirm the details” to gain some time and avoid impulsiveness.
- Use brief, non-emotional replies: If you don’t want to respond, simply say something like “Okay” or “Received” to handle the message without investing emotional energy.
Why does this work? When stress hits, our brains enter a “fight-or-flight” mode, making us more impulsive and less rational. By not responding, we can step out of that state and avoid being controlled by stress.
2. Don’t Be a “Superhero”: Set Limits to Your Responsibilities
Some people tend to take on everyone else’s responsibilities: booking the entire trip, mediating in their parents’ arguments, or immediately taking on additional work tasks from colleagues. This is known as “uncontrolled symbiosis” – we focus too much on others’ needs and forget about our own.
How to change this?
- Offer help without taking over: You can listen when a friend goes through a breakup, but don’t analyze every word she says or make decisions for her (that’s her life).
- Accept what’s beyond your control: The outcome of certain situations isn’t entirely in your hands. If a project fails, it might be due to team collaboration issues, not just your fault.
- Set “time-outs”: Don’t reply to work messages immediately after work; move work-related apps to the second screen of your phone to completely detach from work.
This way, you can prevent others’ stress from becoming your own burden.
3. Don’t Let Stress Attack You: Stress Is About the Situation, Not Your Worth
Many people blame themselves when faced with stress: they think a heavy workload means they’re incompetent or that a friend’s unhappiness is because they didn’t do enough. But stress is about the situation, not about your worth.
How to handle this?
- Allow yourself to feel emotions: When you’re upset, don’t force yourself to be positive. Just admit, “I’m not feeling good right now.”
- Reflect on the task, not the person: If a task didn’t go well, ask yourself which part you weren’t familiar with and what you can do differently next time.
- Be kind to yourself: Just as you would comfort a friend in a similar situation, treat yourself the same way.
Self-criticism magnifies stress, while self-care helps you recover from it.
4. Stop Creating a “Catastrophe”: Don’t Scare Yourself
Much of our stress is based on imagined worst-case scenarios: we fear failing before even starting a task or getting criticized by a leader. This is called “catastrophizing” – our brains immediately imagine the worst outcome and assume we can’t handle it.
How to overcome this?
- Reframe your stress signals: Stress can also mean “it’s time to take action” (e.g., a tight schedule might indicate you need to prioritize) or “you need a break” (e.g., working too much could mean you need rest).
- Test your assumptions: Ask yourself, “Will the worst really happen? What can I do if it does?” For example, even if a leader hasn’t criticized you yet, the worst outcome is still just criticism; you can explain the situation or make improvements next time.
- Focus on what you can do now: Instead of worrying about the future, think about what you can do right away.
This helps reduce unnecessary anxiety and directs your energy towards solving problems.
5. Move Your Body: Relax First
Stress not only affects our minds but also makes our bodies tense: rapid heartbeat, tight muscles, shallow breathing. Trying to be positive at this point is ineffective; we need to physically relax first.
- Slow down: Practice deep breathing (in for 4 seconds, out for 6 seconds) or mindfulness exercises (focus on your current sensations, like the feeling of your feet on the ground).
- Exercise: Dance, play a sport with friends, or play a motion gaming game; even a short activity can improve your mood.
- Even a quick break works: If you don’t have time to exercise, take a five-minute walk outside or move around to release tension.
Once your body relaxes, the mental stress will naturally decrease.
In conclusion, “not taking on stress” doesn’t mean becoming a superhuman; it’s about gradually establishing psychological boundaries. Knowing when to respond to stress and when to let it go is important. Change takes time, so don’t blame yourself if you can’t do it all at once.